Top 10 Dangers of Living in the Blog Space

Star C. Foster
1. You think everyone cares about your opinions: They don’t. They care about mine.

2. You stop having normal experiences: Every event you participate following your initial blog post will be constantly interrupted as you simultaneously live the adventure and write the corresponding blog post in your head.

3. You will care what other people think: Even if you really don’t. “Stats” will become an important part of your blogging life (also self-esteem),even though you detest math. You’ll be glad your web-stalker is gone but regret losing the hits. When stats go down, you will start padding your posts with words like “naked”, “nudity”, and “clown porn”.

4. You will become more news savvy: You’ll start reading several news sources to inspire more posts. Unfortunately, you will focus on items that are weird, quirky, or bizarre, thereby eliminating your ability to discuss these items with non-bloggers in real-life (ie around the water cooler) without coming off like the freak you really are.

5. You will feel the need to post: Even when you have nothing to say. Just in case other people are reading. Sarcasmo’s Corner, I’m a slave for you.

6. You stop hearing from non-blogging friends: You’re behind on their lives, but they feel like they haven’t missed a beat with you, because they “keep up with you through your blog.” Also, they are tired of talking to you because you constantly ask them “So, when are you going to get a blog?” (You laugh, but our local blog mafia has coerced four independent, strong-willed, intelligent, people into blogging (and we’re working on a 5th). All hail the power of peer pressure!)

7. Your work habits change: Why talk to those irritating, clueless, inane people in your office, when you can sneak a quick peek at your favorite blogs for clever quips, interesting insight, and comment-based conversations?

8. You will stop having normal conversations with family and friends: Real life conversations will go like this. “Oh, hey, I saw So-And-So in concert and the weirdest thing happened…” Friend, “Yeah, I know, I read about it on your blog.” Silence. Friend, “Did I tell you that I’m…” You, “Blog.” Friend, “Yeah.”

9, You expect your friends to be witty and clever. Always.: I am lucky to surrounded by bright, witty people with bright witty blogs. I don’t know how the rest of the world survives without these for distraction. I suppose they must come here.

10. You demand that your witty and clever friends be blogging. Constantly: Why aren’t you all busy shirking your jobs and entertaining me? I need INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION. Or, barring that, something really silly and inane to peruse. Seriously. I’m bored to tears, here people. For the love of Pete, POST SOMETHING. NOW.

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Comments

  1. says

    Good one, Star!
    Like all satire, it wouldn’t funny if there weren’t more than a grain of truth in it. You nailed me on a couple of those.

  2. says

    11. You start to think that if you don’t read about something in a blog, it’s not true. Even more so if you don’t read about it your _own_ blog…

  3. says

    One of the funniest posts I’ve ever seen…
    Though I must admit I’ve been brutally hit with a couple of those thoughts.

  4. says

    You find this entry in Popdex, link it to your Blog which is published in English, but has AltaVista’s BabelFish translator installed so that anyone who might happen by can translate your Blog into (Portuguese, Spanish, Russian, Croatian, XYZ) to glean hits from any possible visitor.

    Naaaah, no one would be that desperate!

    You are right on the mark. I’ve got a bruise but I’ll get over it.

    Blog on!

  5. says

    Dang! Uhhhh… RIGHT ON! I ditto and love ya, from the 1st day me-wee-blog was born. YOU just have it right. Blog on forever! :-)

  6. jimmy neutron says

    wow…what a thought-provoking post….must agree with it though….how shockingly true

  7. says

    The author seems to have omitting googling oneself to see pagerank and posting comments on other people’s blogs just to get more people to visit your page (for example, you know if you click on my name….)
    heh heh

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