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Blogger’s Guide to Unhappiness

Blogger’s Guide to Unhappiness

1. Determine a posting schedule of 4-5 high quality posts per day, and stick to it, no matter what.

Common blogging wisdom says that the more often you post, the more visitors you’ll receive and the more subscribers you’ll have. So, set a high standard, and determine to write as many posts per day as possible. You’re brimming over with ideas right now and there is no reason to think you’ll ever run out of things to post about.

2. Make earning a good income from your blog top priority. Have high expectations with regards to the income you’re going to earn through Adsense, especially if your blog is targeted towards a tech-savvy audience.

The idea that tech-savvy readers are ad-blind is just a myth. If the ads are relevant, they will be clicked on, especially if you really make them stand out in your design. Make them a different color than your site’s color scheme so they’ll really pop off the page. Also, include as many Adsense blocks as you possibly can, and be sure to get some nice blinky ads, so that readers are sure to see them.

3. Consider every other blog in your niche a competitor, and try to avoid ever linking to them.

Why would you send YOUR readers to another site that covers the same topic? You are the ultimate authority in your niche and there is no need to network with or link to anyone else. If you link to other sites in your niche, those authors wouldn’t appreciate it anyway, and there is nothing to be gained by giving out link love to your competitors.

4. Choose a topic purely based on the income potential you believe it has, rather than your interest in the subject, and don’t worry if there are already 1,000 blogs covering the same “money niche.”

It doesn’t matter if you know nothing about the topic you choose to blog about. All that matters is the money you stand to make. Even if you’re not interested in the topic at all, you can find things to write about by doing a little research and some discrete content scraping. The huge amount of money you’re making will keep you motivated when the topic is boring you to tears.

5. Start 5 or 6 blogs at the same time, because you’ll certainly have time to focus on each one enough to make them successful.

You’ve started one blog and are having no problem maintaining it, and now you’re hooked. Blogging is addictive and there’s nothing wrong with buying a few more domain names even if it means you’ll be spreading yourself a little thin. You enjoy it so much that those late nights trying to get that 5th post for the day up on each one won’t even feel like work.

6. Don’t bother to respond to comments- you’re too busy maintaining your posting schedule.

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Readers really don’t care if you respond to their comments at all. The conversation will continue in your comments whether you participate or not, and really, lots of commenting on a blog is totally overrated. Who cares what your readers think? It’s what you think that matters right? Isn’t that why you’re writing on the blog in the first place? They come to your site to learn from YOU, not the other way around.

7. Expect your site to be extremely successful within a matter of weeks or months.

That thing about most blogs taking a while to get off the ground and establish themselves as an authority does not apply to you. Build it and they will come.

8. Never take a break from blogging. Fresh air and exercise are for those wimps who can’t stick to as grueling a schedule as you’re able to maintain.

How is getting away from the computer supposed to help anyway? The only way you’re going to be successful is to keep plugging away, because there are only so many hours in the day. You can’t fritter away your time walking around outside no matter how much your back hurts from sitting in the same chair all day long. Sleep is also overrated. 4 hours a night is enough.

View Comments (16)
  • I wish I had time to comment, but I’ve only written 23 of my 30 blog posts for the day ;)

    Excellent post; now I just have to take some of your advice to heart. But the truth is most of us DO want to make money from our online work, so some of our blogging is bound to be dollar-driven, wouldn’t you agree?

  • Whew, that was close! When I first started reading the first sentence or two, I was primed and ready to rip this post to shreds! ha!

    I’d only add that if you really want to become an unhappy blogger, keep ignoring the “little bloggers” who read your blog, respect you and link to you. Fans disappear real quick if more well-known bloggers can’t even take the time to fave someone back on stumble upon etc. Geez, is that too much to ask?

  • This is the type of sarcasm I specialize in, on blogospheric issues and hardcore blogging topics. Thus, I consider you a competitor and I’m very upset.


    Great article. These kinds of satirical how to’s are fun infotainment! As soon as Twitter is back up, I’ll promote this post over there to my bewildered fans.

  • Or, this could be reverse psychology, in which Ms. Clay KNOWS all these steps above are the KEYS to blogging success, so she shrewdly lures potential competition down the dark and unsavory path of “a well-rounded life.”


    Besides, who writes daily posts anymore? Everyone knows real bloggers pre-write a month’s worth of posts and set them to auto-publish while they consult with Fortune 5,000 companies…

  • @Lin – good point. That can be a challenge when you get really busy, and something we could all do better at.

    @David – good one!

    @vaspers – thanks for linking to me even though I’m a competitor… lol

    @Justin- Very funny… yes, that’s exactly it- you should see the evil smirk on my face.

    @Chris – it’s so tempting, isn’t it? If I could keep my eyes open, I would work all night. It’s so much fun, I don’t want to quit!

  • Nice write-up, Randa. When I first started, I thought that a post was required every day, even though there’s no need whatsoever.

    It’s different for full-time bloggers, but one of those I am not.

  • Yours is a really sarcastic and enjoying post and it is really getting knowledge and advice entertainingly rather than being bored. In fact this is the right way of education. Thanks.

  • First I would like to say that this blog you have posted is a masterpiece in itself. The only problem I have is getting my wife to agree with the countless hours I spend in front of my computer.

    Every time I turn on the computer at home, it is the same old story, “all you do is sit in front of the computer!” my wife says. This in turn makes me mad and also tends to discourage me to keep on blogging. I am a very busy individual and would love to blog all day, but because of my schedule it is not possible. I wish my wife could understand the point of blogging, but she always complains about the fact that all I do is sit in front of the computer. I wish someone out there could relate to me and give me some advice as to how to approach this situation with your better half. I love the work ethic comment about commitment, but what is one to do in a situation like mine?

  • Thanks again, I love reading your articles so full of amazing information, blogging isn’t just a walk in the park is it!

  • Yes we should all write about 6 articles a day because our readers sit on their asses all day just to read our articles. LOL Good post. It was a good laugh

  • Oh, how true, how TRUE!

    Once of the reasons I so love a good microphone and a webcam is how it adds velocity to my posts… I can riff on camera or mic, and then find the post falling out of that energy, ready to go.

    And as @Justin says, we all just prefab a few hundred posts, then dive into umbrella drinks in Maui.

    We DO do that, right?

    Great, engaging post, Randa. You ought to look at doing this for a living…;-)

    Warm regards,

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